I threw back my warm sheets that comforted me all night to make my way to the bathroom. I quickly brush my teeth and got dressed, too ecstatic to speak. The wooden floor creaked as I raced down the stairs to help my mom cook kaopuhn. As I suspected, my mom was there cooking over the steaming hot stove. The fresh vegetables and other ingredients were all on the table. The kitchen was flooded with huge used pots piled in the sink and 3 enormous ones on top of the stove my mom was hovering over. It was just how she liked it.
People already crowded the living room waiting as anxiously as I was. My mouth watered as I now slowly try to descend down the stairs gracefully and trying my hardest not to make a loud noise. I was headed to the living room when the aroma hit me like a crashing wave and lured me in to the kitchen instead remembering why I was up so early. I watched in amazement as everything in the kitchen came to life. I made my way to ask my mom if she needed any help, and of course I was in charge of shredding the chicken.
I peeled the chicken slowly watching the steam came from the tender white meat. Every once and a while I sneaked a little bit for myself... I think I got that habit from my mom. I remember she telling me " When I was little I always helped MY mom shred the chicken just so I can have a little with white rice and soysauce". So instead of getting of being furious whenever I would try and take some chicken, when I was suppose to be shredding, I would hear a giggle escape her mouth. I kept peeling until there was nothing but a naked bone.
Hours passed by slowly as the kaopuhn mocked me with its smell, making me want to eat the entire pot while it still boiled fiercely. But luckily I didn't try to. It was merely a fantasy that would soon be fulfilled in a moment.
My family helped set up the table as the once scattered kitchen suddenly became tidy, organized. Everyone gathered around the table and took a bowl for their soup. As I looked around the living room, I saw my family slurping and scarfing down the kaopuhn with eager and satisfied faces. Not one person was not smiling and having a good time. When I finally got my bowl, I took what I could before the 35 gallon pot was no more.
When I sat down, I only focused on the food. I love the feeling of the hot soup trickling down my throat. A hint of spice and tang still on my taste buds as an explosion of flavor erupts in my stomach. The fresh cabbage and long bean gave the soup an extra boost of crunch and texture. Too irresistible to not have seconds... if I had to only choose one food to eat forever it would definitely be ka poon. When my stomach got bloated and I felt as though i'm going to explode in a million pieces, I still couldn't resist the provokitive new steaming bowl waiting in the kitchen.
(STILL IN THE PROCESS)
5 comments:
You are very descriptive and you are able to state the story very specifically. However, there are some run-on sentences and sentences that don’t make sense. For example, “I was headed to the living room when the aroma hit me like a crashing wave and lured me in to the kitchen instead remembering why I was up so early.” You can do well with this sentence without the “instead remembering why I was up so early.” Then, if you removed just a few of the unnecessary parts of your sentence, you’ll be able to project your story to your reader more thoroughly. I loved how your story started of when you were sleeping and was awoken by the aroma of Kaophun. It sort of like my story. Good job with being able to make your story flow nicely from beginning to end and being able to relate everything to one topic, which is Kaophun. Try to add more information about your mom. Like some background information on how the Kaophun started in your family. Give some information about your mom and maybe what she likes about the food that she cooks and you could state why you chose Kaophun to be the main recipe of your Roots and Recipes essay. If it is a tradition in the family, you can state how the tradition started off and who will continue it on for generations. And you can talk about things like that. Try to elaborate more on who the food is associated with because your readers want to know about how the food started. Try to be a little more specific when you are talking about smell, taste, etc. For example, “Hours passed by slowly as the kaopuhn mocked me with its smell, making me want to eat the entire pot while it still boiled fiercely.” What kind of smell? What smell is making you want to eat the food as it was boiling? Try to find similar things like this in your essay and be a little more specific, then your essay will sound exemplary. Jordie is a good example when it comes with sentence structure and vocabulary. Maybe you can seek help from her, well if she is willing to help you that is. :) Comment on my blog if you have any concerns about my comment to you.
If you don't know, Skee_bird happens to be Shaneika Aguilar. :) Just to let you know. :)
You are very descriptive and you are able to state the story very specifically. However, there are some run-on sentences and sentences that don’t make sense. For example, “I was headed to the living room when the aroma hit me like a crashing wave and lured me in to the kitchen instead remembering why I was up so early.” You can do well with this sentence without the “instead remembering why I was up so early.” Then, if you removed just a few of the unnecessary parts of your sentence, you’ll be able to project your story to your reader more thoroughly. I loved how your story started of when you were sleeping and was awoken by the aroma of Kaophun. It sort of like my story. Good job with being able to make your story flow nicely from beginning to end and being able to relate everything to one topic, which is Kaophun. Try to add more information about your mom. Like some background information on how the Kaophun started in your family. Give some information about your mom and maybe what she likes about the food that she cooks and you could state why you chose Kaophun to be the main recipe of your Roots and Recipes essay. If it is a tradition in the family, you can state how the tradition started off and who will continue it on for generations. And you can talk about things like that. Try to elaborate more on who the food is associated with because your readers want to know about how the food started. Try to be a little more specific when you are talking about smell, taste, etc. For example, “Hours passed by slowly as the kaopuhn mocked me with its smell, making me want to eat the entire pot while it still boiled fiercely.” What kind of smell? What smell is making you want to eat the food as it was boiling? Try to find similar things like this in your essay and be a little more specific, then your essay will sound exemplary. Jordie is a good example when it comes with sentence structure and vocabulary. Maybe you can seek help from her, well if she is willing to help you that is. :) Comment on my blog if you have any concerns about my comment to you.
That was a good essay. Very descriptive and i agree with Shaneika. There were some run-on sentences but they can be fixed. I liked how you described the process of cooking it and how things were when it was getting cooked like "I peeled the chicken slowly watching the steam came from the tender white meat". I could actually picture it in my mind. Your story was good, it flowed smoothly from sentenece to sentence and they all related to one topic. I think that you can add more things like how it looked like, how it tasted, and how it smelled. Id give you an example but, shaneika already stated my example.. "I love the feeling of the hot soup trickling down my throat.", be more specific, why do you like it?, how did it feel like?.. Explain a little more and it would be good. I think, all you need to work on is the details, vocabulary, and the sentence run-ons.
Hi Maddie,
Nice job on your essay! Like Shaneika and Rebekah, I think you did a great job of describing your special food. Unlike them, I don't think you really need to add a lot more. Although you don't mention specific vegetables at the beginning, you describe them as you eat them.
Shaneika's advice to delete the phrase about "instead remembering why..." was accurate. In fact, I was confused because your first paragraph talks about going downstairs...and does it well. I would delete the whole part about going downstairs in the second paragraph. It just repeats what you've already described.
One more question on sequence...do people come to your house and wait all day for the soup for the party? You start with the rising sun and end with the party..is it a lunch party? Or is the day long soup preparation part of your family tradition?
mrs s
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