~The War Against Alien Invaders~
KC3 Rough Draft -----> By: Maddie Nguyen
Hawaii was first introduced to the world in 1778 by Captain Cook. Ever since then, foreigners have been invading the tropical island, slowly taking over. Foreigners, however, were not the only ones to come and deplete the natural beauty of the Hawaiian Islands. Foreigners have brought 4,000 to 20,000 various plants because of their beauty or sustenance. What they did not know is how the plants would not only become an infestation, but they will cause damage as well. As of today, the species of invasive plants are numerous and are dominating Hawaii’s land ecosystem. Because invasive plants are impacting Hawaii’s land ecosystem, our community has developed programs and even taken time to personally help prevent invasive species from demolishing Hawaii’s environment.
One of the most lethal land alien plants in Hawaii is the exotic South Asian ginger. This plant originated from Southern Asia and was brought in by Asians who came to Hawaii in the 1900's to work. Nowadays, many people do not realize that it is fatal because of its exquisite appearance. Birds consume the plant’s crimson berries and unintentionally disperse the seeds around the island proliferating the inhabitants of Asian ginger. This exotic plant causes destruction by displacing native plants that live in the Hawaiian forests. For instance, Hapuu tree ferns, Laua’e ferns, Limukele, and Limukaulaua are examples of native ferns and mosses that serve as a blanket preventing rain from filtering into the forest. If the South Asian ginger relocates these native plants then the forest would be vulnerable to rain and the forest would lose its purpose as a watershed. Another alien species that is radiant yet invasive to the Hawaiian Islands is the banana poka. The banana poka is originally from South America and was brought over to Hawaii in the 1900’s by settlers who used the plant’s fruit as food. The appearance of the banana poka is a vine with ostentatious flowers and banana fruits. This plant may look harmless, but it is very robust and can take on an eight foot tree. The banana poka asphyxiates native trees such as the Hawai'i Creeper, Hawai'i Akepa and the 'Akiapola'au. The vines of the invasive plant suppress oxygen and sunlight from the native trees. As the invasive plant gradually kills off the native tree, it allows excess amount of sunlight to damage the second and third layer of the rainforest. Due to the banana poka plant, Hawaii’s forest is debilitating and native plants for instance, the Hawai'i Creeper, Hawai'i Akepa and the 'Akiapola'au are coming closer to extinction.
In Maui, a local resident referred to as Pat Bily has contributed to the battle against Hawaii’s invasive South Asian ginger, banana poka, and other various invasive plants. The devoted plant specialist is passionate about the situation and volunteers his time to defend Hawaii from harmful invasive plants. In fact, Bily’s zeal for Hawaii’s environment motivated him to establish the Maui Invasive Species Committee (MISC). “Everyone has a tremendous respect for Pat’s dedication, commitment, and hard work. He is a true hero.” says Mark White, Director of Maui Programs for the Conservancy. Bily pursues his duty of battling invasive plants by going on voluntary monthly trips to Conservancy’s Maui preserves and removing detrimental weeds, refurbish fences, and plant seeds of awareness in the community. Local students, canoe members, hunters, and the community in general were motivated into volunteering because of Pat Bily’s effort to care for Hawaii’s environment. The MISC has also inspired other committees to form on other islands, showing that anyone can make a difference.
Oahu was an island inspired by the MISC to start the Oahu Invasive Species Committee (OISC). A wide spread invasion of multiple plant species has become a danger to the environment. Nearly hundreds of plants have slowly taken over our island. The situation got so severe that an intern from the University of Rhode Island flew to Hawaii. Hearing about the non-native plants that are annihilating Hawaii’s land ecosystem he was determined to unite with the OISC and assist by removing invasive plants. “But rather than managing widespread populations of established invasive plants, the OISC is using scientific assessments and field surveys to predict which incipient weed might become invasive in the future,” states Joshua Atwood, intern for the OISC.
Hawaii Department of Agriculture’s (HDOA) Plant Pest Control is state agency that helps Hawaii’s environment from invasive plants. Ninety-Five percent of major pests currently in Hawaii have been detected by the HDOA Plant Pest Control Branch. This branch distinguishes invasive species using a “developed weed harmful assessment”[1]. The agency then identifies on recently arrived non-native species and determines their invasive potential. The HDOA Plant Pest Control Branch is composed of two sections which is the Biological and the Chemical/Mechanical (C/M) Control Section. The Biological Control Section consists of groups operating together perceiving new immigrant pests, investigating native habitats to observe the natural enemies of the invasive pest, and so on. The C/M Control Section on the other hand combats invasive plants by using chemical/mechanical methods such as trapping to control or eliminate the invasive plants. C/M Section staff also provides technical advice to land owners or managers to lessen the impact of noxious weeds. The Plant Pest Control C/M Section includes observing habitats for the attendance of harmful weeds. Another subdivision in the HDOA that stops invasive plants is the Plant Quarantine Branch. The Plant Quarantine Branch is in charge of an ongoing project known as “First Class Mail”. Since first class mails have been a major path for the invasive plants or plant products to be transported to Hawaii, the HDOA Plant Quarantine Branch has the capability to scrutinize first-class and priority mail packages. The HDOA Plant Quarantine Branch has been known as a major breakthrough and has fortified the HDOA inspection programs to prevent the introduction of harmful plants from entering into the State.
Overall Hawaii’s land ecosystem is slowly being dominated by the invasive plants. The Asian ginger weed and banana poka are just two examples of the many invasive plant species that are harming Hawaii’s environment. In turn, community group efforts and programs like the Maui Invasive Species Committee, Oahu Invasive Species Committee, HDOA Plant Pest Control, and HDOA Plant Quarantine Branch have been developed to help combat the invasive plant species. With society's help, Hawaii might still have a chance in the war against harmful plant invaders.
[1] Atwood,Joshua. Saving Hawaii From Alien Plants. 30 March 2009. National Science Foundation. 12 Nov. 2009 <http://www.nsf.gov/discoveries/disc_summ.jsp?cntn_id=114152&org=DGE>
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Biobliography:
Internet Sources:
Naomi Sodetani. A Weed Warrior Battles to Save Native Forests. No given Revision Date. The Nature Conservancy. 10 Nov. 2009 <http://www.nature.org/wherewework/northamerica/states/hawaii/projectprofiles/art20660.html>
Atwood,Joshua. Saving Hawaii From Alien Plants. 30 March 2009. National Science Foundation. 12 Nov. 2009 <http://www.nsf.gov/discoveries/disc_summ.jsp?cntn_id=114152&org=DGE>
Simberloff,Daneil. Introduced Speies: The Threat to Biodiersity & What Can Be Done. December 2000. American Institute of Biological Science. 7 November 2009 <http://www.actionbioscience.org/biodiversity/simberloff.html>
Kunimoto,Sandra. Plant Pest Control. No Revision Date Given. Department of Agriculture. 13 November 2009<http://hawaii.gov/hdoa/pi/ppc>
Kunimoto,Sandra. Plant Quarantine. No Revision Date Given. Department of Agriculture. 13 November 2009<http://hawaii.gov/hdoa/pi/pq/pq>
9 comments:
Just in case anyone is wondering...
I organized my paper like this:
(Introduction): Brief history and thesis statement.
(Body Paragraph #1) Cause: Two main alien invaders, breif history of how they got here, where the invasive species came from, which native species they're effecting, what else they're doing to harm the environment & other important information.
(Body Paragraph #2) Effect: Program/Local resident from another island that is saving Hawaii from these invaders. Plus other important information on what they are doing.
(Body Paragraph #3) Effect: Programs on Oahu that are trying to save Hawaii from invasive plants. Plus other important information on what they are doing.
(Body Paragraph #4) Effect: A bigger state agency that is trying to save Hawaii from invasive plants. Plus other information on what they are doing.
(Conclution): Wrapping every thing up in a satisfying conclution.
Hey Maddie,
okay so here goes my comment:
First paragraph:
Who are these foreigners? Where are they from?
In your 5th sentence, what damage will they be causing to? Environment? Ecosystem? Native plants? Native animals?
I love the simplicity of your words.
Second Paragraph:
In your first sentence, is it an invasive lethal land alien plant?
Cuz, your title is The War Against Alien INVADERS (capitalized for emphasis).
Second Sentence: To work for what? Sugar plantations?
You spelled “banana poka” wrong. It’s “banana polka.” Kind of like polka dot.
Third Paragraph:
I think these sentences are unnecessary:
“Everyone has a tremendous respect for Pat’s dedication, commitment, and hard work. He is a true hero.’ says Mark White, Director of Maui Programs for the Conservancy.”
I love the second part of your last sentence: “...showing that anyone can make a difference.”
Fourth Paragraph:
First Sentence: Is Oahu extinct? You said: “Oahu WAS.....”
5th Sentence: Put a comma between “ecosystem” and “he.”
You could use a better ending sentence that sums up your entire fourth paragraph.
5h Paragraph:
Second to the last sentence: “The Plant Quarantine Branch is in charge of an ongoing project known as ‘First Class Mail.’ Since first class mails have been a major path for the invasive plants or plant products to be transported to Hawaii, the HDOA Plant Quarantine Branch has the capability to scrutinize first-class and priority mail packages.”
I don’t really understand the role of the Plant Quarantine Branch. What is that “First Class Mail” thing, anyway? What are these first-class and priority mail packages?
Oh, and could you put the meaning of HDOA in parentheses, next to the acronym “HDOA.”
Concluding Paragraph:
Could you explain more about what would happen to the native species if these invasive plant species continue to spread and what would happen if everyone joins in to help save these native species.
6 Traits:
Ideas:
I love the content of you essay. There’s a lot of supporting detail to back up your ideas. You have an abundance of facts. Really good.
Word Choice:
There is no problem. However, I feel that your words like, “proliferating” and other words kind of drives the reader away from your essay and more on the outstanding use of your vocabulary. This would easily make the reader think that “Wow, this is a good essay,” without even focusing on the content of your essay.
I love your use of big vocabulary words, though.
Organization:
I like how you organized your essay.
From what I understand, I think it’s going at a cause, effect, and cause mode, right?
And without looking at the comment that you posted about your organization, I believe that it’s the introduction of invasive alien plant species and the native plants that they are harming, then an example of a person that is trying to evict these invasive alien species from Hawaii, the beginning of large organizations/agencies that are trying to remove these invasive alien species, and then all of the organizations that have been established in Hawaii to help in the cause of removing these invasive alien species.
C&P:
You have no grammatical errors. Although, you do have a few punctuation errors, but that can easily be fixed, right?
Good essay.
My grading:
If I were to grade you on your essay, it would be somewhere around a 4/4.
Personal comments:
I love your title: “The War Against Alien Invaders”
It really ties what your essay is about.
Oh and your essay’s font color strains my eyes. Not to say that it is a bad color or anything. It’s just that I can’t stare at neon colors for a very long time, especially when i am reading an essay.
Anyway, really good essay. I wish my essay would sound just like yours and then I would get an A++. Hehe :)
I could really here that it was you speaking. For example, “If the South Asian ginger relocates these native plants then the forest would be vulnerable to rain and the forest would lose its purpose as a watershed.”
Oh, yeah, and I love how you posted up your bibliography.
Do we really need in-text citations or footnotes? Could you answer my question by commenting on my essay post. Thanks.
Ok, now I read your first comment on your own essay.
BTW, you spelled conclusion wrong.
Oh and I thought it was cause, effect, cause and not cause, effect, effect, effect. The way I understood is was cause of the invasive alien species, like how they got here. And then, effect like, how they are harming the environment. And because of this, it caused programs to be established and for people to join in and help.
I think that it's the same thing.
FYI... It IS Banana POKA... not POLKA.
Your essay was great. Well detailed and you keep the reader informed. I like the how you elaborate more and more about how the specie is affecting the native plants and end with a strong point such as “If the South Asian ginger relocates these native plants then the forest would be vulnerable to rain and the forest would lose its purpose as a watershed” and “Due to the banana poka plant, Hawaii’s forest is debilitating and native plants for instance, the Hawai'i Creeper, Hawai'i Akepa and the 'Akiapola'au are coming closer to extinction.” It emphasizes on how bad the invasive specie is affecting Hawaii. I don’t think you need any work on your first two paragraphs except for some questions left unanswered as Shaneika covered that and I also want to know how the Asians brought the south asian ginger, did they bring it purposely and if so, why? Or did they bring it accidentally like the seeds were in their shoes or something. And your argument with shaneika, its banana poka, without the l.
As for the effects (the programs) I like how you have quotes; it makes your effects stronger and gives more importance. I also like how you organized the programs, the first program led to the second and that the last program is the biggest one of all. I think what you need to improve on for the effects is telling why these programs are important and if anything that they’re doing now is working. If you can, use quotes for these, itd be even better. I think that’s all you need work on.
Ideas/Voice, WC: It was great, I can tell by the way you wrote that you’re really confident in what you’re saying and you know how the cause and effect works. You have a great thesis that has good supporting details that include quotes and you added a bibliography that shows that they’re reliable sources. You have good word choice, you have simple words that makes your essay easily understandable and you have a good vocabulary that really fits in well.
Organization: Your introduction was great, it catches the reader with the historical information you gave. You kept your reader well informed even before they started with the cause paragraphs. I like how you organized your essay, you have one big cause and then you started with a program that led to another program (as I mentioned before), and then you ended your effects with a big program. I do think though that your conclusion could be better and more strong, you could be more persuasive about how important it is that we help and save the native plants.
C&P: Not much grammar errors. A couple of punctuation errors, as shaneika covered them all.
GREAT ESSAY!! Keep up the good work..
Whoa, who knew id write such a long critique..
-Rebekah :D
Hey Maddie!
hopefully this comment won't exceed 4,096 characters, well lets see then.....
:)
paragraph 1
oooo good starting intro
although, you switched from past tense to present tense in this sentence: "What they did not know is how the plants would not only become an infestation, but they will cause damage as well."
i think it should be something like "What they did not know was that these plants would not only become an infestation, but causes of damage as well."
umm im not sure if you did change the wordings of the underlined places of your paper, because those parts were extremely similar to some of your resources
a note for the whole essay: try not to begin sentences with the words: BUT, AND, or BECAUSE. it doesn't help the sentence to bring a strong point across
good thesis statement :D (yeah i know i've said that more than once... tee hee)
paragraph 2
"This plant originated from Southern Asia and was brought in by Asians who came to Hawaii in the 1900s to work."
i think the first part of the sentence was redundant... asians from asia... you should try to change a word in there, maybe the word immigrants or the specific asian culture... chinese, japanese??
"Nowadays, many people do not realize that it is fatal (to whom??) because of its (deceivingly) beautiful appearances"
i just added some changes to this sentence....
try not to use big words, as they sometimes take away from the essay.. people might spend more time thinking 'what the heck does that word mean', rather than 'ohh that was a very good point' example: you used the word proliferating (could replace with 'rapidly increasing'
include briefly what a natural hawaiian watershed is, and why it is important!
again.. big words like 'ostentatious' (you could actually leave this word, but its not a commonly known word with highschoolers)
i think the word choice of 'robust' could be changed to 'fast-growning' or something like that.
i think you should change this sentence (mostly cuz its me being picky about it) to (btw this is the changed sentence now...): The banana poka blankets/covers native trees such as the.......... so that it chokes out the sunlight needed for the native plants' survival. (or something along those lines)
apparently my comment was still pretty long...... oh wells
paragraph 3
awesome 3rd paragraph!! its sounds better than the rough draft on the paper :D
.... and i have pretty much nothing to say about the 4 & 5 paragraph......
lovely conclusion as well.
Ideas:
this is what i got from your whole essay (the simplified version).... invasive plants are harming Hawaii's native/endiginous plants.... (and is that altering our plant ecosystem?).... so after this, effects have been starting small then growing and growing
Organization: i figured your org. was by cause, effect, effect, effect.
i think its pretty darn good. enough said.
Voice: i don't think i could really hear 'Maddie' in the body paragraphs of this essay... try not to take exact sentences from other sources!!
but i thought your intro and conclusion was very well written
WC: i think you could choose better wording than those BIG, confusing ones earlier in your essay...........
good job maddie!!!!!!!
korie
HI Maddie,
From the looks of your discussion with your critiquers, I think you've gotten a lot out of their commentary.
One that I would like to emphasize is Korie's..about taking the words directly from your sources. I mentioned this also in your impromptu. If you are not sure what we mean, come see me. If not, change the wording. Plagiarism is not a minor problem and there is enough "word for word" stuff here to make it plagiarism.
Good additional info on the state's efforts to control invasive plant species.
mrs s
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