Friday, December 4, 2009

~The Cycle of Interdependency~ Rough Draft

~The Cycle of Interdependency~
By: Maddie Nguyen

Interdependence; a word that means to depend on each other. In my social and educational life as a Mene Mac student, I always end up relying on something to get through the day. Besides myself, I can honestly say that everyone and everything on our planet Earth counts on one another. We all cause ripple effects. Everything we do never just affects one’s self; it affects the people around us as well. Some people may cause small ripples and some may cause big ripples. It all comes down to the things we do. In my essay, I will discuss scenarios when I needed to count on someone or something which later impacted me personally and educationally.
This year is my freshman year. The first time I came to high school, I had butterflies in my stomach. My goal was to join at least one committee. To my excitement, I discovered the home coming committee, who desperately needed volunteers to help, and I immediately agreed to join. Little did I know that I was going to play a big role in interdependency. My responsibility on the committee was acting and dancing in the homecoming performance. I snatched the leading act and I tried my best. Each person had a critical role on the committee. There was the president who was in charge, prop makers, two choreographers, backup dancers who also acted, and last but not least the two primary actors and dancers. If we did not have a president, then we probably would not have gotten anything done. The president was the one in charge of putting people to work and in charge of the scripts for actors, so everyone counted on the president. I see the president like she is the ribbon which keeps a present together. The prop makers were important as well because without them, our entire performance would not have made sense. We needed the artistic producers to make the presentation better. I consider them to be the appealing bow on a present. The choreographers were very crucial too, they were the ones who made up all the dance moves which we performed on opening night. All of the dancers relied on the choreography. The thing with choreographers, were that they are hard to find. They needed to be creative, have dancing talent, be committed, and most importantly, be outstanding. They are what I consider the wrapping paper which wraps everything together. Finally, there were the actual performers, which is where I came into play. We were the ones who are committed to every rehearsal and work very hard to not mess up. We are the entire show and who the audience came to see. So everyone depended on us to do a good job. I consider us performers, to be the actual gift to everyone. Altogether, the homecoming committee would have only succeeded if every person did their job. After months of practicing, we finally came together and made magic happen.

As a Mene Mac student, I have experienced many interactions by being in the learning program. The learning program requires 3 core classes. We consult in different ways to complete a project. In biology, we are in the process of an E-cyber mission. Our goal is to create a group project that will help living things. Each group has 3-4 people who work together and try to brainstorm a bullet proof assignment. In each group there is a leader who keeps everything in order, the creative writer, the researcher, and person who is in charge of the testing. The creative writer is the person who writes up a report on the project based on the scientific method. The researcher is the person who gathers all the data, makes inquiries, and delves more into the topic. The person in charge of testing is the one who tests the hypothesis, assists the group, and tries to facilitate the project. In the end we all collaborate in hopes of going to nationals. While in English, we have strong communication through blogging. We post up our rough drafts, comment on our peers’ drafts, and wait for them to comment on ours. If someone does not contribute in the commenting, then it affects them and their group members. So we all rely on one another to get our work done. In this class, we are also in the progress of a Kc3 project. For this assignment, our class got divided into three groups. My group is working on invasive species. So with six group members, we are tasked to do thorough research on different subtopics. After my team did all of the research, we came together and reported to the rest of our group about our own subtopic. As of now, we are using the information that we have attained to set up a presentation. Our Kc3 project is a good example of interdependency. My third Mene Mac core is Hawaiian history. In the first quarter, we were assigned to a specific topic about what happened when foreigners overthrew the Hawaiian monarchy. My group project was on the Reciprocity Treaty, my history teacher required each person to be in charge of a specific task. There was the power point person, the quiz maker, the researcher, and the game maker. We counted on each team member to be responsible for their assignment. In the end we had to present our topic to the class and the class presented their topic to us. It helped prepare us for an upcoming exam. Overall, being a Mene Mac student is a benefit to me in a good way by teaching me the value of team work.

In a way, being interdependent is rewarding. Without interdependence then nothing on our planet would be able to function correctly. We all rely on each other. For instance, plants count on us for carbon dioxide and we count on the plants for oxygen. We lean on other people and other people lean on us. Being interdependent is beneficiary for anybody who wants to be successful in life. Every job out there requires interaction and association with people or things. For example, nurses and doctors need sick patients to make money and sick patients need doctors to be cured. As you can see, interdependency is all around us even if we don’t realize that it is. Throughout my experiences, I've begun to understand the cycle of interdependency.

7 comments:

Korie said...

Hey Maddie its me (Korie) again back with yet again... another (probably long) comment!!! yaaaay! (mann i can just hear u cheering, right)

Down to business....

Organization:

You have a good start to your essay :) although I would consider changing what you put as the definition for interdependence. There's an unwritten rule in english that your not supposed to define a word with the same work (dependence with depend). One place you could get the definition at would be the online merriam-webster dictionary. Just make sure to state where you got it from.

In your conclusion: I really like the sentence "we all rely on each other". It is true and to the point. Its a good sentence to use to maybe sum up some interdependence points. :) I like the ending too. awesome possum.

Ideas:

What I got was that your essay was focused around different examples of how interdependence works. Your first experience (2nd paragraph) doesn't go into great detail of how they depended on eachother, possibly give a specific instance (e.g. one day after school, we had one last practice run. it was difficult because ____ was missing, and nobody else knew how to do that part.....ect.)
If you get to describing it in great depth, then you wouldn't need a second experience. Or the other way around as well (go into detail about interdependence at school, and take out the first example). Try not to make similies too often, rather show (not tell).

Korie said...

dang. well maybe next time i'll try to cut my words down... hmm something for me to work on as a commenter eh?
anyways, here's the rest.

Voice: I could sort of hear your voice in this. What do you think would make it more "you"? Suggestions....: put more 'show not tell' details; make some parts as if you were talking to a friend during break

Word Choice: In this I saw no problems in your word choice, or grammer/punctuation for that matter. Good job Maddie!

I hope this comment wasn't too long... (again..)

<3Korie

Anonymous said...

Great ideas, but, there are several things you could do here and there to make your essay better Madds.

First of all, you’ve got two different essays going on here; the one about homecoming and being a Mene Mac student. To be frank, I’d personally drop the Mene Mac idea and elaborate on Homecoming, but that’s just me. Otherwise, find a way to intertwine the two topics; they’re too different to be one single essay. Pick whichever you’re most passionate about. Right now, it’s kind of disjointed and unhappy.

Your paragraphs are huge. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but it’s difficult for me to read. Break up your paragraphs every time you switch ideas, like here:

“I snatched the leading act and I tried my best. Each person had a critical role on the committee.”

Or

“They are what I consider the wrapping paper which wraps everything together. Finally, there were the actual performers, which is where I came into play.”

There should be a paragraph break in between both of those sentences. That’s not all of the paragraph breaks I would suggest, but if you need help on that, remind me tomorrow.

In your last paragraph, instead of referring to other subjects (the doctors/nurses or the plants/oxygen) go back and mention the body one more time. Cut out the interdependence definition and the last sentence of your first paragraph. Take out that ‘As you can see’ from your last paragraph, and that should be all from me.

-Jordie

lsueoka said...

Hi Maddie,
I think both your teammates, Korie and Jordie, have gotten at the main area for revision--there's a lot of good stuff in this essay...but there is too much of it. Korie made a good point about detail being stronger than simile and Jordie made a good point about the essay being two essays.

Either one (homecoming or MeneMAC) would work as a focus and I agree with Jordie...pick the one about which you are most passionate.

Then, instead of a "list" type of essay that explains each and every interdependence experience you have had, you will have an essay that shows your deep understanding of the concept.

Let me know if you have questions.
mrs s

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