When we watch science fiction (sci-fi) movies like the Matrix, Wall-e, Star Trek, and so forth, get entertained to watch even more. We watch science fiction movies for entertainment and understanding of the possibilities that technology can take us. Screen writers think about what really keeps the audience wanting more. As our society begins to grow upon technology, we ponder about the future. Sci-fi stories educate the minds today, about what can happen to us due to certain scientific breakthroughs, so that we can be cautious about our lives in the future. We cannot ignore the advancing of technology and its possible outcomes, because every single day, we learn more and more about science. What makes an astonishing sci-fi is a story that sheds light on the potential outcome known to science. We continue making stories like these, to make the audiences contemplate and allowing their minds to imagine.
Science fiction must evoke a sense of wonder in the minds of the audience. A suspenseful and dramatic plot adds to the sense of wonder in the unknown future. The emphasis of the scientific breakthrough makes the audience more interested in the story. The main point of science fiction is meant for us to be entertained and informed. For instance, the “Matrix” movie has a great plot that makes the audience wonder what will happen if robots were to take over the world. The intentional effect of the movie was to both to entertain and inform. When screenwriters and authors produce sci-fi stories, they mainly focus on the plot and how it will appeal to the audience. An excellent sci-fi movie includes the climatic consequences and advantages that we can obtain from science. Although the movies are fictional, they include believable things that would make the audience imagine how life would be in the future and it adds to overall effect of a incredible science fiction story. A creative plot provides the forum in which we can prosper with the right knowledge. It allows our brain to escape from reality and into the unknown world of science and where it can take us.
Scientific possibilities for the future shape the entertainment industry today. When we make sci-fi entertainment, the scientific evidence that supports the story is very important. When we base the outcome of the future, we look upon science. Authors make science fiction for us because there is much potential in the future but the entertainment industry allows us to see the major consequences and warn us about what could happen. For instance, in the movie “Matrix”, the message to us was that in the future robots will begin to take over if we rely too much on technology. After watching the movie, I began to imagine our world in the future and the thought of a matrix world. Not only did it frighten me, but it made me more cautious. They capture our attention with fictional stories that can be supported with science. The fact that the stories can be supported with evidence makes us more imaginative and open to all the potential results.
Overall, the main point to an excellent good sci-fi is a enticing storyline and the plot is supported by science. Science fiction is made to entertain and educate us about the different breakthroughs that scientist are discovering. We make all of these sci-fi movies because it is entertaining, allows us to be imaginative, and makes us more cautious about the plausible outcomes that science have to offer.
4 comments:
Hello Maddie!!
Ok, here I go with my critiquing...
Oh and stop worrying about the length of your essay. Sometimes, longer isn’t better because it tends to lead out of content. It makes your piece weaker. Just think: Simple and straight to the point. Don’t worry, I get the same feeling when I see that my paper is a shorter than how I normally write.
Introduction:
Good job in addressing a few examples of sci fi movies. It gives the reader an idea about what sci fi movies are.
“We watch science fiction movies for entertainment and understanding of the possibilities that technology can take us.” Technology can’t “take us” to the “understanding of the possibilities.”
Also, society in general watch sci fi movies mainly for entertainment.
It seems like you took a different road in writing your essay. Unlike the rest of us, you immediately accepted the fact that we (emphasis on we) ponder about the future.
Actually, the content of your introduction paragraph is more fitting in your body and conclusion. Try to shed light upon the technology itself and what it has done to society in your introduction. This will help the reader better understand what you will be talking about in the body of your essay.
Body:
1st Paragraph:
I noticed that many of your sentences are very confusing and hard to understand.
HEY!!! “sense of wonder.” Rebekah used the same phrase in her essay and you both have them in the first sentence of the second paragraph. O.O Fishy......
“A suspenseful and dramatic plot adds to the sense of wonder in the unknown future.” The “unknown future” throws me off.
“The emphasis of the scientific breakthrough makes the audience more interested in the story.” How does the emphasis of the technology make the audience more interested? Be a little more specific.
“The main point of science fiction is meant for us to be entertained and informed.” This sentence sounds as though it belongs in the concluding paragraph.
In your example, you could explain a little more about how the directors and creators were able to develop a great plot. Be a little more specific. Don’t be afraid to include what the story is about.
“The intentional effect of the movie was to both to entertain and inform.” Take out the first “to.” Also, you said this already earlier in the paragraph. (redundant)
“When screenwriters and authors produce sci-fi stories, they mainly focus on the plot and how it will appeal to the audience.” They don’t only focus on the plot. They need to consider the technology because that is the basis of their story. That is what they will be centering the entire plot about - the scientific breakthrough.
“Although the movies are fictional, they include believable things that would make the audience imagine how life would be in the future and it adds to overall effect of a incredible science fiction story.” Run on Sentence. The word “things” is bothering me. Try using a different noun.
“A creative plot provides the forum in which we can prosper with the right knowledge.” Forum is not the right word for this sentence. It means a meeting, assembly, etc. Outline is a better word. “..we can prosper with the right knowledge” is throwing me off. Right knowledge? Prosper? hmmmm.... It’s best to rephrase this one.
Your last sentence is repeating itself. Remove the phrase after “and.”
From what I read in this paragraph, you should shed more light upon what makes a good plot. Be specific, add details. Include what types of elements should be included in the plot's development, such as suspense. You are sort of focusing more on what effect the movie has on its audience.
3rd Paragraph:
First sentence: Are we focusing on the entertainment industry in this essay? Actually, the scientific possibilities affect society.
“When we make sci-fi entertainment, the scientific evidence that supports the story is very important.” What is the scientific evidence? Is it the scientific breakthrough? Please be a little more clear.
“When we base the outcome of the future, we look upon science.” Do we only look upon science when we are thinking about the future? And, what do you mean by “when we base the outcome of the future”? We can’t really base the future on anything because it has not happened yet. We can only predict. “Story” is a much more fitting word than “future.”
This paragraph is sort of contradicting itself. Your topic sentence starts off with “scientific possibilities.” Immediately, I thought that you will be talking about the the consequences as a result of the scientific breakthrough. Then, when you reach the end, you start to talk about the connection that the audience has with the movie. In other words, the effect the movie has on its audience. It’s best that you focus on the scientific consequences in this paragraph and then focus on the connection between the movie and the audience in a separate paragraph. Again, please be more specific when writing your essay. Some parts of your essay are a little abstract.
TIP: Remember that your thesis is the general part because when you start writing the body of your essay, you are able to cover more elements involved in sci fi movies and it allows you to be more specific.
“Overall, the main point to an excellent good sci-fi is a enticing storyline and the plot is supported by science.” Plot supported by science? Or is it scientific breakthrough supporting the plot/story line of the movie?
Conclusion:
In order to make your paragraph more memorable, I suggest that you summarize the main points in your essay. Use those to answer “what makes good sci fi” and “why do we make sci fi” questions.
I hope I am not being too harsh. It’s just that you need to work on organization and content. You need to focus on one point in a paragraph. Don’t throw additional information in because they actually make the content of the paragraph weaker. I can see why you would add additional information in - you are trying to incorporate the answer to the two questions in each of your paragraphs. Try to relate your answers to the main point of each paragraph. Then, add that info into the end of your paragraphs so that it brings each into a nice close.
~Shaneika :D
If you have any questions on my commentary, ask me. ^^
Sorry, i had some posting problems, i had to keep switching comps.. and it was not fun! :(
well here goes!
Intro:I like how you started off with examples. It makes your essay seem like its only going to be about movies but you made your way into your point of talking about sci-fi itself. I don't think you need the comma on "Sci-fi stories educate the minds today, about...." I really like your thesis, it flows nicely, you have good wording, and it answers the question nicely.
Body:
I like how you started off your first body paragraph, it works out pretty well. I think you can make this a little better by explaining what you mean by "science fiction must evoke the sense of wonder..." But i don't really see how this sentence fits in since the whole paragraph is just about having a good plot, so to make it better you need to talk more about why its important to "evoke" their sense of wonder. Good job on explaining why the plot is important but i think you should talk a little more about your example which is the movie "Matrix". Explain more on why matrix has such a good plot.
"Scientific possibilities for the future shape the entertainment industry today", I understand what you're trying to say but for me to get it, i had to read it again and again, so switch the words around a a little and maybe change the word "shape". Good job overall on this paragraph, you had nice sentence flow from talking about the scientific evidence and entertainment to talking about the breakthrough and it's consequences. To make a bigger effect with your example, i think you should use a different, see the list of movies that people turned in because most of those have bigger breakthroughs than matrix.
Conclusion:
I like how your conclusion sums up everything you've talked about. It allows for a slow ending. I think you can make this better by talking more about why science fiction is made. Use different words other than entertain.
Overall, good job.. Your essay answered the question, your thesis fits in. Theres a few errors in it and some repetitive words and sentences. A few punctuation errors but other than that, it's great! :D
GREAT JOB!!
-Rebekah (im sleepy)
Hi Maddie,
Noce job on your essay. You present good ideas on the elements of successful science fiction and their function in society. What is needed, as your teammates mention, is a greater variety of examples.
Work on word choice as well, esp verbs..."make" is kind of overused when talking about the role of the author...and it is just not a very good word choice.
mrs s
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