Poem: ( In relation to the story of the goddess Artemis)
A golden arrow
Sharp and pointed,
I'm waiting with anticipation
Years of skillful practice and patience,
leading up to this one moment of truth
the teaser who stunts so proudly in the distance,
mocking me, doubting me.
Thoughts in my head blurred my vision,
with the dream that seemed so near
suddenly became a distant goal.
I stood alone with misconception
then it hit me..
I had a choice
the dream is already established and motivation in mind
the reason for my existence, the reason why i am here.
its the hunt, the thrill, the determination
it is now clear,
aim for the farthest
and hit with a perfect shot
3 comments:
Your poem is not you. It's very generic and could be anyones poem. It's supposed to be about your personality and stuff. I think it should have been someone who is smart but is often underestimated. I'm not really sure who artemis is but google told me she was the goddess of hunting wilderness, wild animals, and child birth. She might not seem like you cus i dont know who she is, but I think theres something better out there (:
Hey Maddie
I kinda agree with Jody, that its generic and it could be anyone's poem.. but i disagree that you're not like artemis at all.. I think your poem.. is about your determination and your will to get to your goals. To make it better, just add more about yourself.. your personality.. and less about being hunter.. youre trying too hard to show who your allusion is and not showing yourself in it. Also, you should proof read "the teaser who stunts so proudly.." i think you mean, the teaser who taunts so proudly.. but overall, nice poem.
-Rebekah
Hi Maddie,
I guess because I watched the risky business video about you and stress, I can see you in the allusion. I think, too, the two years of critiquing your work and going through portfolios and such have given me more insight into your character :)
So I don't find this generic.
I do think Rebekah is right about the "taunts" part
And I think you can work with the following lines for better parallel:
"the dream is already established and motivation in mind"
see if you can revise for parallel verbs...and see if you can find a more active verb than "established"
As for the graphic, it captures the allusion but I'm not sure you want to picture yourself in the target portion, since you're the hunter and not the prey?
mrs s
Post a Comment